*Update: For those of you who are wondering, Liza commented on this post that mentions her!
*This has absolutely nothing to do with this post, but I just have to say that Oh. My. Gosh. Liza Elliott-Ramirez just left me a comment! She commented on my blog! Hello! She is famous! Oh, this has just made my day!
Ahem. So as the title would have you believe, yes I am torn. I just got news that I was not accepted for the teaching position I interviewed for on Friday. I am disappointed, but at the same time, I am at peace. It would have been fun to have my own classroom in a brand spankin’ new building, with newly painted walls to decorate to my liking. It would have been great to have students of my own to get to know and teach new things to on a daily basis. It would have been nice to get a break from the spit-up, poopy diapers and Em’s napping strike.
But then there’s the other hand. It would have been hard to be apart from Emily five days out of every week. It would have been a pain in the butt boob to pump enough milk for her day after day after day. And even though there is a possibility that I will be offered a position as a permanent substitute, I can’t stop the battle that rages on inside of me – the decision of whether I should stay home or go to work.
I prayed about the job, and I was ready to accept whatever decision was made for me. So now the next decision is entirely up to me. Do I substitute like I did last year, with the ability to call the shots and decide when to work and when to stay home? Or do I pursue my dream of a retail store? I got good news from the business counselor at my meeting on Monday, and all signs point in that direction. But the time that it would take to get my store up and running will most likely mean more hours away from Emily than teaching would.
I do want and need to be away from Emily some of the time. I need time for me, so that I can stay somewhat sane. Oh, what am I to do?