American Idol

In the mid to late 90’s, when people still listened to cassette tapes, I would sit in my room listening to the radio, waiting for my favorite song(s) to play. There was always a blank tape in the stereo, and as soon as the latest hit came over the speakers, I pressed “record”. Instant mixtape!

I never bought music. I didn’t have money to buy tapes or CDs. I was too young to (legally) work, and any money that I did acquire went toward buying much more important things, like compacts and glittery lip gloss.

And even now, when I can afford to buy music, I still don’t. Every CD that I own was either gifted to me or is one that I made from the songs I’ve downloaded illegally at no cost onto my computer. With the exception of two Britney Spears CDs and Nirvana’s greatest hits. Those I actually went to the store and bought. Because, hello? It’s Nirvana! And Britney! (Old Britney, by the way. Hit Me Baby One more Time, Britney. When She Was Actually Entertaining, Britney).

Last night was the FIRST TIME that I watched American Idol this season. And aside from last season (what was I thinking?) it was the only time I’ve ever watched it. Seriously, Denny and I are like, the only 2 people we know that don’t watch it. Even his dad watches it. And if you know me IRL (In Real Life), you are probably peeing your pants right now at the picture forming in your head of Dennis tuning in to American Idol.

So since AI is everywhere and is all that anyone can talk about, I decided to see what exactly all of this Adam Lambert fuss was all about. And I only knew his name because they talk about him and his sexual orientation (which has nothing to do with one’s ability  to sing, by the way) nonstop on the radio. (I still can’t tell you the other guy’s name. Chris? Kris?)

As I’m cooking my chicken alfredo (from scratch!) and listening to Adam sing some song about the world?, I couldn’t help but wonder why everyone likes him so much. Is it just me? Or is this guy really a terrible singer? Is all of the hoopla surrounding him only about his possible gay-ness? Because although it shouldn’t matter, his gay-ness (or lack thereof) might sadly be the deciding factor in this competition. In my opinion, his voice is just not that great. He doesn’t have my vote (if I voted, which I totally don’t).  

The other guy – Kris Allen – I looked it up, is actually much, much better. Did you hear him sing Ain’t No Sunshine? Huh? Did you? Cause if you didn’t, you really missed out. And if you did, then Oh My God. Amazing, right?

So my point in all of this is, if this Kris Allen does win, (or most likely not. That darned skinny jeans wearing, black eyeliner smudging, crazy haircut having, Adam Lambert!) I would totally buy his CD.

But not if his first single is that “No Boundaries” song. Because, hello? That is one of the worst songs ever! Why does every AI winner’s song have to be sappy and emotional and sunshine and rainbows and dreams come true? Why can’t it be real? Like something that the winner would actually normally sing? It’s career suicide before their career even starts!

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