Worth The Weight

Yes, there is no doubt about that; she definately was.

But what am I complaining about? I only gained 35 pounds. And last week when I weighed, I had lost 27 of them, thanks to breastfeeding, because I surely haven’t been doing anything that comes even close to being called “exercise”.

So I had been wondering where, oh where, were those 8 pesky pounds hiding on my body? I sure do look just like I did before I got pregnant. Don’t I? And I can fit into most of my clothes just fine. (Keyword: most)

I found out yesterday as I was trying on dresses to decide what to wear to the wedding.

Dress #1: Whoa, my hips are huge! And what is up with those saddlebags?That must be where those 8 pounds are.

Dress #2: Hold on a minute. Was my butt this wide before? Maybe the extra weight is in my butt.

Dress #3: Dear God, don’t you think that you could have made my boobs just a little bit smaller, and given some poor Itty Bitty Titty Committee member a share of my blessing? It looks like I’ve stuffed water balloons down my dress. Surely milk doesn’t weigh that much. Maybe I can convince Denny to let me get a reduction once my child bearing days are over……

Dress #4 (Maternity dress): Ahh, this looks great. And it fits! No side-boob! No rolls poking out! But, um, aren’t maternity clothes intended for women who are pregnant? I’m not in that club anymore!

And so the mystery is solved: the 8 pounds that I wasn’t looking for have been found. They are spread out evenly between my boobs, butt, hips and thighs. Which just so happen to be all of the parts that a woman is naturally self-conscious about. I think mother nature was in a pissy mood when she decided where a pregnant woman’s fat deposits should be distributed. Or maybe she was drunk, or high, or, well, you get the point….


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