Dear Wal-Mart

Dear Wal-Mart,

          Did I do something wrong? Do you dislike me as a customer? Sure, I have accidentally left the store with a bag of dog food on the bottom of my cart –  unpaid for – but who hasn’t? And I will admit, I have put items back on the shelf that I decided against buying – halfway across the store from where they belong – but who hasn’t? Does this make me an unwelcome shopper? Apparently so.

Why is it that, week after week, I discover that you have stopped carrying yet another item that I regularly buy? Do you not want my money? It’s just as good as anyone else’s. Here’s a breakdown of what you are missing:

  • Castleberry’s hot dog chili. Yeah, so what if there was an e-coli ( ? ) scare a few months back. Bi-lo is carrying it again. Why aren’t you? Sorry to hurt your feelings, but your Sam’s Choice chili is certainly not my choice.
  • Pasta Roni Fettuccine Alfredo. So I’m too lazy to make my own alfredo sauce. And have you tasted alfredo out of a jar? Not so good. Even though it’s cheating, this stuff is pretty good.
  • Another boxed meal. Chicken Helper 4 Cheese pasta. I know. I’m almost ashamed to admit it. But this is Really. Good. Stuff. You can call it my guilty pleasure.
  • Link sausage in any flavor besides original. Can’t I have some maple and brown sugar? Geesh. You only carry 2 brands, and the only flavor is plain ol’ original. How boring.
  • Makeup sponges. Yeah, you have some cheap, crappy ones that absorb all of the foundation before I can touch it to my face. What happened to the good ones? Were they too expensive for you?

I don’t know why, but your item selection is rapidly decreasing. And sooner or  later, there won’t be anything on the shelves! (Hmm, that would actually be great! No items = no shoppers = no revenue. Sweet! Karma is gonna get you, my dear Wal-Mart.) In order to get everything that I need (and want), I have to go to 2 stores! I can’t just go to Bi-Lo for everything, it’s way too expensive. And before you even suggest it, there is no way that I am going to Harvey’s. No way. So thanks for making my life a tad bit more difficult. I hate you Wal-Mart!




3 thoughts on “Dear Wal-Mart

  1. You are a looney Toon!! I will say that is was very well written and quite entertaining on a friday morning. Maybe you Wally World problems will end soon. Maybe they will bite the dust if everyone doesn’t by castleberry chili.

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