“There is more to life than increasing its speed.” – Ghandi
So today was tough. I don’t know what was wrong with the kids, but they would not shut up! Plus, the other student teacher who is here with me gave me a baby update today. Yep, she is 21 wonderful weeks along, while my belly sits empty and alone, waiting until the day that a baby will fill it as well. Plus, last night I found out about an acquaintance who was married 1 month after Denny and I, and she is pregnant! So if you can’t tell, I have THE FEVER. The all-consuming, always on my mind, all I can think about, jealousy-driven baby fever! Everyone around me is having or has recently had a baby (well, not everybody). And in the back of my mind, I can hear my mother’s voice saying, “well if all of your friends jumped off of a cliff, would you jump too?” Well no, but this time, it is different. This time, the “thing” that I want so badly is not harmful to me, and it’s not going to get me into any trouble. So why can’t I do it? TIME. It’s all about timing. Gotta wait until I finish school (less than 3 months). Until I get a job (hopefully next month). Until Denny is ready (in about 2 years, he says). Well I can’t wait that long! I am one of those people who was born to be a mother. Not someone who just happens to get pregnant and then has a baby. But someone who can’t wait to know what it feels like to have a baby growing inside, learning about every single development as it occurs. Someone who can’t wait to pick out names and baby furniture, buy clothes, take millions of pictures of a sleeping baby, read bedtime stories, go for walks, rock to sleep, and so on. You know what I am talking about. You have known someone like that before, I’m sure. Well, I’m her. I keep trying to tell myself that I can wait. That once I have a baby, it’s mine forever, and I should wait as long as I can. Well it’s not that easy!
“Try to be happy in this present moment, and put not off being so to a time to come – as though that time should be of another make from this which has already come and is ours.” – Thomas Fuller